What is a Mental Health Illness?
A mental health illness is a problem that can affect everyday living through the works of the brain. It is psychological problems which can include; depression, eating disorders, anxiety, bipolar, OCD, schizophrenia and personality disorders.
Facts and Figures
- In 2014/2015 the number of people accessing Mental Health services was at the highest point it had ever been.
- 1 in 4 people will experience a mental health problem.
- 1 in 10 young people will experience a mental health problem.
- Nearly 3 in 4 young people fear the reactions of friends when they talk about their mental health problems.
- 9 out of 10 people with mental health problems experience stigma and discrimination.
So, this is the part of my blog post that I've been dreading the most. This has taken me 3 days to actually come back to write. Before I start, I just need to do a disclaimer that this could be triggering to people suffering and I am not going to go in to a great amount of detail just to avoid influcing anyone. So, this is my story, a secret I've kept for years.
I must of been 8 or 9 when I first remember looking in the mirror and thinking I could be skinnier, prettier, less me. One day sticks in my mind in particular. I remember sitting on the sofa and my mum doing the ironing. I turnt to her and said 'Why are my thighs so fat?' Being young at the time, she assured me that it was normal. Sidenote, I was in no way a fat child. I had no idea that this one comment would change my life. I never forgot how I felt. When I went on to secondry school, everything got worse. I feel like I always seemed like a 'happy child' but what lyed beneath was a much deeper issue. I hadn't quite got in to my bad behaviours when I was 11, but the years ahead would soon start them. So here is where my story really starts. I was 13. I hadn't been completley happy for a while but nobody had noticed. I had friends, a loving family, good grades, I was always laughing - what could be wrong? Well, the thoughts in my mind that controlled my every move was what was wrong. One morning, I had just woken up, did my normal routine before going to school, but for some reason this morning was different. I was ready earlier then normal, I had at least half an hour before I had to leave to get the bus to school. But this morning was anything but normal, because it was the start of my never ending addiction. This morning was the first morning I self-harmed. I didn't know why. I had never even heard of anyone else doing this before. I didn't know what it was, but I felt a release. I promised myself that I should never do it again. It was a few months later by this point and I had kept to my word. But I had an awful day at school. I pretty much cried the whole day and missed all my lessons. It was October. It was lunch time, I decided not to eat that day. The cycle of not eating just continuted. I'd eat every so often when I needed to, to show that everything was fine to the outside world. But it wasn't. I was in this awful cycle and I couldn't get out of it. This went on for months, people started to realise and I got down to such a low weight. I had an eating disorder. I had also got back into a habit of self-harming. But who cared? Because I was in control. I could control my food, my weight, the calories. I was fitting in and I was getting skinnier. One fatal day, the secret was released. I passed out while doing PE. Some assumed it was because I was exercising, but all I did was bend over to pick something up. That's when I knew it was bad, but what did my mind tell me? That I was fine, that I was now pretty, that I needed to carry on. So even though people knew there was an issue, I didn't. It was my new normal. I was just more careful this time. I carried on not eating. When I got to my final year of school, that was the hardest time. I was so weak, but I was doing exams. My brain wouldn't work to it's full potential. I had to slowly start eating, even though my relationship with food was well and truly broken and would possibly never be 100% fixed. People had realised more by this point. Even though I am a lot better now, there are still times when I relapse. I don't think I will ever be okay with food. But when I was struggling, what I needed more then anything was some time to recover, but because it was an illness that couldn't be seen, it was almost invisible to some people. It was there, my mental illness was real. Am I recovered? No, not completely. Will I ever be completley okay? Who knows? But I try really hard, but sometimes I slip up. My mind was damaged to a point where it couldn't be fixed. I kept this secret for so long, it became my own, it was just a part of me. I think it will always be a part of me. Every day is a struggle. But my mind is important too and it will be daily work for the rest of my life. So that's it. It's not a secret anymore. I have an eating disorder and struggle with self-harm. But I will not let it defeat me.
When struggling with mental health, the one thing I found hard was speaking out and asking for help. But it's okay to do that. I wish I knew how much support I could have had but I didn't ask for the help. If you are struggling, seek help, whether it be a doctor, teacher, friend or parent, someone will be there to help you. Im going to leave some links below on places to get help.
Mental health is something a lot of people struggle with, Your mind is important too. You deserve the help and you do not deserve to be unhappy even if your brain is telling you something different. It may be a daily struggle but you will and can get through this. Just remember to stay strong.
Find Help Here
https://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/your-mental-health/getting-help
http://www.time-to-change.org.uk/mental-health-and-stigma/help-and-support
http://www.mind.org.uk/
https://www.rethink.org/carers-family-friends/what-you-need-to-know/getting-help-in-a-crisis
http://www.nhs.uk/Livewell/mentalhealth/Pages/Mentalhealthhome.aspx
Thank you for reading my story.
Until next time
-HappiestEqualsPrettiest ♡♡♡♡♡♡
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